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CANDiCE

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[24 Jul 2006|12:46am]

Oh gezz. It's been forever and a day since I wrote in here and I really want to start again. So, here we go! :)
So...I'm single...AGAiN! I'm kinda enjoying it...But. The guy I was this and I are kinda..."Friends With Benifits". And...I dont know anymore.
Like, he can be a real iggnorent little rich kid that gets everything his heart desires handed to him. And I HATE it. 
Like, right now. He is on a cruise on Hawaii. And he can do whatever he wants. And I will never find out.
And to be totally honest, He is EVERYTHiNG i hate in a guy. I'm not used to dating little ricxhy boys. He is mean to everyone! He acts like he is better
than everyone. Like, there is this guy at work that I am actaully starting to have a crush on, and at the time my boyfriend was working
there, and he came in with one of his friends to get his check and he was a total ass to my friend. I was pissed. 
He doesnt respect me worth shit. He wants one thing....And thats all. 
And he lies CONSTANTLY!!!! He has to lie to even see me!
He gets pissed that Marvin is on my friends list on myspace. And really, I dont care. We never talk anymore anyways. And when we do,
he just fucks with my head. Says he loves me and then hes gone for another month. I'm just tired of playing that boys games.
Ive noticed he only says he loves me and i'm his angel and crap when he is heartbroken over a girl or something is bothering him and he
is sad...when i say it...I mean it. And it sucks.
But I am enjoying being single.
And I have a crush on a guy at work. I miss that little shit! He left for New Jersey for the summer to spend time with his dad
and he called work today and was all, " Haha. Sorry. I just wanted to call and hear your voice cuz I miss you!" And when
I asked if he wanted to talk to anyone else, he said no. He comes home the third of Augest. Yay! :)

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Summer, here we come! [25 May 2006|12:10pm]
[ mood | excited ]

I'm a Senior!!!!
I hope we make Senior year the best
of them all!
And a great summer to come!

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AHHHH! [14 Apr 2006|11:16pm]
[ mood | sad ]

Oh my fucking god I just want to scream!
I was at work today and my step-mom tells me she just got
off the phone with my dad and it was about Ed and Ter. (Aunt and Uncle)
They're getting a divorce.
And my grandpa was out at their house yelling at my Uncle.
Because he was "Being A Prick."
I love my uncle.
He was a father to me when my own was gone.
And knowing there is nothing I can do for any of them.
The fight between me and them was so FUCKING not worth it!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I can't stop beating myself up over it!
It wasn't worth loosing Summer, James and Ed.

I'm sorry this is such a whinny post.

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TODAY... [29 Mar 2006|10:39pm]
[ mood | content ]

OKAY...SO THE PROTESTiNG AROUND THE WORLD ABOUT THIS iMMiGRATiON LAW HAS FiNALLY HiT YUMA. AND BiG SHOTS FROM YUMA HiGH THOUGHT THEY WOULD PROTEST,WALK OUT OF CLASS,WALK TO KOFA HiGH, THEN STOP AT CiBOLA...AND STAND THERE. NOW i AM NOT AT ALL RACiST. BUT BEFORE YOU HAVE A PROTEST,SHOULDN'T YOU KNOW WHAT YOU ARE PROTESTiNG FOR? THEY HAD THE STORY ON KYMA AND THEY WERE SAYiNG,"COMiNG TO AMERiCA IS NOT iLLiGAL! MEXiCANS ARE DOiNG JOBS THAT AMERiCANS WONT TAKE!" OKAY...FiRST OFF, iT iS iLLiGAL. AND SECOND, iF THEY TRULY WANT TO BE HERE AND HAVE THE JOBS THAT ARE AVAiLABLE HERE, TAKE THE TiME TO BECOME AN AMERiCAN CiTiZEN. EVERYONE IS COMPLAiNiNG ABOUT US BEiNG ON LOCKDOWN...i DONT EXACTLY HAVE A PROLEM WiTH SiTTiNG IN CLASS WiTH THE LiGHTS OFF FOR ACOUPLE HOURS...BUT THEY HAD NOT A CLUE WHAT THEY WERE PROTESTiNG. i JUST THiNK iT iS SO iGNORENT TO SiT INFRONT OF OUR SCHOOL FOR HOURS OVER THiS. STUDENTS SiTTiNG OUTSIDE OUR SCHOOL WAViNG THE MEXiCAN FLAG YELLiNG "ViVA MEXiCO". OKAY...iF MEXiCO iS SO FANTASTiC, WHY ARE YOU HERE? WE COULDN'T GO TO MEXiCO, WAVE THE AMERiCAN FLAG, AND YELL "ViVA AMERiCA". WE WOULD BE SHOT. 

i AM NOT AT ALL RACiST. THiS IS JUST MY OPiNiON.

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i'M BACK. [24 Feb 2006|09:02pm]
[ mood | cheerful ]

Hi EVERONE. :)
i'M BACK. i REALLY MiSS HAViNG THiS JOURNAL TO WRiTE MY LiFE AND BE ABLE 
TO LOOK BACK ON ALL THE GOOD AND BAD MEMORiES.
SO...i'M BACK. :]

LAST YEAR WAS A PRETTY ROUGH YEAR.
i DON'T KNOW iF ANYONE REMEMBERS ME TALKiNG ABOUT MARViN...
BUT HE WAS A BiG PART OF MY LiFE TWO YEARS AGO. 
HE'S BACK. NOT IN THE WAY HE WAS TWO YEARS AGO, BUT HE 
iS BACK. WE TALK NOW AND ARE BACK TO BEING FRiENDS.
AFTER WE HAD THAT CONVERSATiON WERE HE WAS TELLiNG ME HE LOVED ME...
i HAD TO BACK OFF. ALL iT DiD WAS BREAK MY HEART ALL OVER AGAiN.
NOW, WE DO TALK AND ARE BECOMiNG GOOD FRiENDS. i HAVE GiVEN UP TRYiNG TO GET OVER
HiM. i NEVER WiLL. THAT SUMMER WiLL FOREVER BE iN MY HEART.
AND i'M DONE TRYiNG TO FORGET ABOUT iT, AND HiM. 
BECAUSE HONESTLY...
i DONT WANT TO.

RiGHT NOW i CURENTLY HAVE A BOYFRiEND. HE iS MY BEST FRiEND.
THiNGS HAVE BEEN GOiNG PRETTY WELL.
BUT i KNOW HE GETS WORRiED WHEN i TALK TO MARViN.
BUT i'M FiNALLY OK. 
i AM HAPPY BEiNG WITH PAUL. AND i AM HAPPY BEiNG FRiENDS WiTH MARViN.
iSN'T THAT OK?

EVERYTHiNG HAS BEEN GOiNG PRETTY WELL.
i REALLY MiSSED THiS.
i JUST REALLY HOPE NO ONE FORGOT ME TOTALLY. :]


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This is new... [14 Jul 2005|10:14pm]
[ mood | confused ]

Well, I don't think anyone reads my livejournal anymore so I'm just going to write so I can look back on this. Lol. Tuesday, Marvin and I talked. I've known he's had a girlfriend and I've known he's really cared about her. And he IM's me sad and upset saying she's broken his heart. Well, here's the convo:

Marvin: well, you know how I told you bout my gilrfriend
Marvin: ?
Me: Yeah
Me: Marvin...It's all going to be ok.
Marvin: I'm sorry. Its just hard to talk about
Me: I know sweetie. But I promise everything will be okay.
Marvin: I poored my heart out to her and she didnt even care. She just blew it off. I gave her my heart. And she just broke it
Me: Oh sweetie. I am so sorry. You deserve so much better hun. I promise you, everything will be A-okay. You are going to met an amazing girl someday who is going to give you so much love and everything you deserve. You deserve nothing less than that.
Marvin: I already met that girl though
Marvin: But she lives in Yuma
Me: Sweetie, Honestly...I will always love you. I'm sorry but i will. And I will always be here for you.  I promise you that everything will be alright. And I promise that you are going to met a girl who will love and care for you there. Sometimes those things just take time. Just be patient.
Me: YOu just need to not let girls like that treat you like she did. why did you let her do that to you Marvin?
Marvin: I dont know. I just cared about her so much it just blinded me I guess. I'm just so afraid od being alone
Me: Sometimes being alone for awhile is worth what you get in the end.
Marvin: And I will always love you Candice. There is noone that I have ever cared for more then you. There is no doubt in my mind that if you lived here or I lived there that we'd still be together. I care about you so much. I really miss you
Me: But sweetheart, like you said, you love me as a friend. But right now I just want you to cheer up. I hate seeing you so sad and upset. No girl is worth you being like this.
Marvin: Can, I really think I should tell you somthing
Marvin: I just said that because I thought it would hurt you less. I just didnt want to brwak your heart. Thats why I said only as a friend. I wanted you to be able to get over me. The last thing I wanted to do was hurt you. 
Marvin: I'm so sorry. I understand if you dont want to talk to me
Marvin: god
Marvin: No, it's ok.
Marvin: I'm so sorry if I hurt you
Me: The only thing that is hurting me is knowing you are hurting.
Marvin: I'm so sorry though. I've wanted to tell you. But I didnt know if I should
Marvin: I've always loved you
Me: I have and always will love you Marvin.
Marvin: You dont know how much I appreciate you always being here for me. And I'll always be here for you
Me: I promised you from the begining I would always be here for you. And I'm so thankful you've been there for me.
Me:Just please cheer up. Everything will be ok. I promise.
Marvin: Ok. I'll try my best:-)
Me: Thanks!
Marvin: lol
Me: Are you cheerful now?

Marvin: lol alittle. Thanks to you

I love him. I always will. I never got over him. I never will. He's an amazing person. It just kinda hurts to know there will never be an 'us' again. :(

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